Celtic Da Weekly 31/05/24

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Hello, good evening and welcome to your weekend. Yes, we’re doing this again. After the large round of indifference that greeted our first sparkling edition of the Celtic Da Weekly we’re back once again for the renegade master. No seriously, the feedback from last week was overwhelming. The comments about 90s nightclubs and the Celtic players you used to see in there would have brought a tear to a glass eye. To be honest, they mainly seemed to be the same tales of folk bumping into Craig Burley in Archaos and the fact he looked different with his false teeth in. My favourite tale was the story about being asked to dance at the Savoy, having a knife pulled on you when you politely declined and then having to go through the motions to Yazz’s “The Only Way is Up” while terrified that you would get plunged if you didn’t seem enthusiastic enough. Great days, great days.

I was, however, a wee bit disappointed to see that nobody made reference to the snooker hall that the Tunnel replaced or the tree branch style cues they made you use. No wonder I never became a snooker great. I could have been a contender, I could have been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it. I could have been the next Stephen Hendry. My skin was easily as bad as his. Although today I do think I could give Bill Werbeniuk a decent match. Admittedly he died in 2003 but I am confident I could run him close now at least.

So what have I been doing with myself this week? Well, I’ve written my first proper Celtic article in almost a decade which you can read here.

I’ve been impressed with the new jersey - just green and white hoops, it’s not hard is it? Next season, sort out the shoulders but after this year’s snakeskin (nobody is falling for that “stain glass window” nonsense - that’s up there with the pink on the european cup final ticket pish) effort I’ll take what I can get.

By the way, I hope this is real.

I’ve been informed by Pearson Junior that Nacho Novo is having a fight with a tik toker. I’m out of touch but fighting with someone who has tourettes seems, ach I dunno, just unnecessary to me.

I’ve been looking ahead to what we need next season and been impressed by the analysis this bloke provides.

I’ve also been watching the “Very Angry Bears” video far too often. “Fcking yaldy!… whit?!” has to be one of the lines of the season.

And I’ve been man crushing over Calum McGregor and Joe Hart. Because they’re just beautiful, beautiful human beings. I might write more about Joe Hart at some point next week. He’s just marvellous.

Last week was my first go with the old paywall malarkey and I subsequently discovered that starting with a deliberately long first paragraph had some of you assuming that was the entire piece. It wasn’t. It was just the only bit of it that was any good. Much like this week. The sooner you realise that this is just a mad ramble about nonsense the happier we will all be. Over time, hopefully you’ll come to realise that this is a column badly in need of an editor. Or maybe a decent night out. Either way it’ll not be anything that improves your week. I’m not good but I’m honest. And see the bits that aren’t funny? Just think of them as the crowd noises on the Superscoreboard youtube channel when they go to adverts. No matter how bad they are, they are better than that. I’ve never been to a game so beige as those crowd noises suggest. And I’ve watched us play Falkirk. However, I will be placing one (maybe two if you all sit nicely) top notch rumour a week below the paywall every week. You’ll need to subscribe to discover it.