Kulture Countdown, Kits and Caviar - Celtic Da Weekly

And 2 new names for the bin fire that is the rumour thread on your forum of choice

Hello, good evening and welcome to the Celtic Da Weekly, the Celtic fan column with only a passing understanding of how a calendar works. You know the holidays have truly kicked in when you can’t tell Tuesday from Thursday, but fear not: the geniuses in the Ibrox Bar down in Tenerife have been valiantly keeping me on track with their chalkboard, 12th July countdown.

It’s been a masterclass in arithmetic incompetence. One day it proudly proclaimed “5 days to go!”, only to follow up with “4 days to go!”, then “9 days to go!” (because who’s to say they can’t count beyond five?), and back to “4 days to go!” as if the laws of time simply don’t apply. Honestly, I’ve seen toddlers with a firmer grip on the calendar.

And now, to really spice things up, there appears to be a cheeky chap, or chappess, who has taken to sneaking around under cover of dusk and rubbing off the number entirely whenever the bar staff aren’t looking. One morning it read “3 days to go!”, the next it’s "days to go!", leaving them to stand outside the bar counting their fingers each time they try to update it. To be fair, that is probably why they've written "6 days to go!" 3 times so far.

The thing is, for those of us in Glasgow, we had all this “walking about a bit to show we still hate Catholics” fun last week. I don't know if you read about it but apparently four got shot with an air rifle at the Orange Walk. Which, I think we can all agree, is the best book Enid Blyton ever wrote.