Ibrox Preview, Socialism, and New Shirts - Celtic Da Weekly

We don't really preview the game at all. That's just a lie to suck "Old Firm" fans in

Hello, good morning, and welcome to the Celtic Da Weekly, the only fan column you’ll read this week that’s brave enough to ask the big political question: if it’s the May Day weekend, why does it feel like we’re trapped in a low budget remake of the 1930s?

And what better way to celebrate International Workers’ Day than by occupying the spiritual home of the classic Reform voter and absolutely humping them in a ruthless display of socialist-style football redistribution? Share the goals. Means-test the midfield. Redistribute the wealth of possession. Seize the means of xG production. (I’ve got hunners of these by the way - most of them referring to the left wing you’ll be unsurprised to hear.) To misquote Bill Shankly, “When Brendan gets them toooo doooooo what they can doooo, then it’s a form of socialism. Without the politics of course.” It’s what Keir Hardie would’ve wanted. Before he got red carded by whatever currently passes for the NEC.

After all, with Labour having flung themselves headfirst through the Overton window in a last-ditch attempt to outflank Suella Braverman, and Swinney now treating independence like a forgotten password while auditioning for a spot on Political Juke Box Jury, “Ah’m sorry, but I’m giving Kneecap zero stars in the hope of attracting some Daily Mail readers.” who else can we turn to?

On the one hand we have Kneecap, and on the other, the entire British establishment. Right wing, left wing. Some days it seems like the only wing you can really believe in is the Sporting one.