Celtic Da Weekly 25/10/24

Pickpockets, Stateside Celts and Splitting the G

Hello, good morning, and welcome. Babe (Babe), I'm here again (I'm here again). I tell you, I'm here again (Babe). Where have you been? (Where have you been?) That’s right, I’m back again. After the incredible and quite possibly libellous revelations in last week’s CDW, we’re back to more regularly prescribed nonsense. I’m here to talk nonsense and share Celtic rumours. And I’m all out of rumours.

What? You didn’t get last week’s edition, you say? That’s odd. I can only assume you haven’t subscribed to our £10 a month top tier, which gives you access to the six-monthly sexual impropriety edition. As you can imagine, publishing two columns a year that contain rumours not only about the peccadilloes of various figures in Scottish football but, in some cases, their family pets, and in one particular case, the contents of their fruit bowl, requires careful management.

If you weren’t able to read last week’s edition, I’m afraid you just haven’t earned it yet, baby. We can’t allow content like that to be available to just anyone, particularly the likes of you and your hairy wee palms. We’d leave ourselves wide open to the strong possibility of being sued. Probably for copyright infringement by the creators of the Readers' Letters page in Razzle (which, Harry assures me, you can still get in the more discerning service stations on the M6).

So, if you want to access last week’s edition and all the gossip about that SFA dog lover (and we mean that quite literally), please send your £10 to the usual address, and we’ll unlock the top-tier smut for you.