Celtic Da Weekly 12/07/24

Brought to you in association with the Hoops Bar, Tenerife.

Hello, good morning, and welcome to the Celtic Da Weekly, the publication so ironic it could bend spoons with its sheer sarcasm. Today, we bring you an Orangefest special because nothing says celebration like erecting a bonfire in a deprived neighborhood to distract the locals from their dire surroundings. Light it up, lads, and hope the smoke is thick enough to obscure the reality that your rage should be aimed elsewhere.

To top it off, adorn lampposts with flags and portraits of Charlie. A reminder that no matter how dire their conditions, they are indeed "the people." Educational standards be damned.

Now, we're two preseason games in, and not a single signing to show for it. This is where the committed Celtic Da faces a dilemma: do you keep spouting the "be patient" mantra because it was worse in the '90s, or do you demand the board's heads on a platter because at least in the '90s we knew how to overthrow a board? Kids today eh? Too busy with their Netflix, Tiktok, and Oatmilk Lattes to fling a Mars Bar into the main stand. Ah, the '90s—when irony wasn't just lost on us; it mugged us in broad daylight.

Funny how things turn out, isn't it?

So, back to the burning question: who is the truly committed supporter? Is it those who shrug and wish Kelly luck in the English second division because we won't cough up more than £5K a week (less than the £10k we apparently offered Vata and the £13k we are rumoured to have offered Doak)? Or is it those who rage against the machine, decrying our penny-pinching ways as another young talent slips away? True Celtic daism means constantly reminding the younger generation of our sacrificial lore.

Honestly, I just want to watch the game. Opinions are exhausting, and I'm knackered. But, since this is supposed to be an opinion piece, I’ll muster one up. I'll even sprinkle in some rumours. None of them are true, of course, because I haven't rubbed shoulders with Celtic directors or tapped into any insider knowledge this week. No, not I. But hey - you're not here for informed opinion. Truth be told you're not actually sure what you're here for but this is what you're getting anyway.

Just so we are all clear on that.