Celtic Da Weekly 02/08/24

Brought to you in association with Guinness Nitrosurge

Hello, good afternoon, and welcome to the Celtic Da Weekly. Move it up, down, left, right. Oh, switch it up like Nintendo. Say you can’t sleep? Baby, I know. It’s sleep apnea you’ve got. You need to get that seen to. You better get that sorted or you’ll end up with a mask so big Darth Vader would look at you and say, “Bit much, mate.”

And after that wee bit of medical advice, we are back once again. Thank you to those of you who emailed, worrying about my sudden disappearance from the podcast. I just went behind the paywall halfway through. Those on the top tier got to hear all my marvellous patter, while the rest of you had to make do with Ross, Harry, and Andy. But you get to read this rambling nonsense, so it’s not all bad, eh?

This week we have a cut-down effort because I have to do the big shop in about ten minutes, ah the glamour, but don’t worry, there are still a few sprinkles of rumours in between the ridiculous typos and non-sequiturs. My strong advice is to wait a couple of hours to read it because, usually by that point, I’ve redrafted it 3 or 4 times and it starts to make some sense. Yes, that’s right, we edit live articles. Which means you can’t be sure I haven’t sneaked back to last week’s piece and dropped a bombshell of a rumour in there that you’ve missed. You know I probably haven’t, but I know you. At the back of your mind, there’s a wee voice saying, “But what if he has? We’ll not be the first to know that McKenna was destined to play for Las Palmas and we’ll look out of the loop when someone else mentions it in the pub. The humiliation.” Now, stop that kind of thinking right now for two reasons: first, you know none of this is based on any sort of genuine knowledge and is all just made-up daftness, and second, nobody talks to you in the pub anyway. They just leave you sitting on your own at that too-small table that wobbles when you get up to go to the toilet. And haven’t you noticed that you’ve been doing that more and more often recently? You should get that checked out. Seriously. Or at least wear darker trousers to hide the dribbles. Folk are staring, you know. You’re the talk of the steamie.