Celtic Da Weekly 24/05/24

Brought to you by a big bag of beef chipsticks

Hello, good evening, and welcome to your weekend. This is the first in what might (or might not) be a weekly attempt at battering out one thousand words of utter mince in order to justify the fact that you, ya absolute melt, have paid money for this site. What are you thinking of? Seriously £3.50 a month? There’s starving kids in Africa. In fact there’s starving kids in Arbroath (don’t vote Tory, no seriously don’t. Harry, I’m talking to you. I don’t care how many flats you own.) And you’re wasting £3.50 on what? Brady acting like he’s trapped on Novelty Island and telling you about his adventures with doctors and lawyers? You could buy a McDonald’s Cheeseburger for that. But I guess at your age that might not be a great idea to be fair. (53. Jesus Christ. Like almost everyone these days he was probably below you at school. Although there is something to be said for being able to point at folk who look terrible and say with no little degree of pride that you aren’t also dead, “He was the year below me at school.” I know, I know, it feels like you are trying to justify your horrendous diet, your complete lack of exercise, and your increasingly feeble attempts to hide that bald spot by combing the hair on your shoulder right up by your neck, with the simple fact that you are alive and the bloke you went to school with is not. Or is fatter or uglier or has fewer teeth or something… And you know what? You’re 100% right to do it. Don’t let anyone take it away from you. Sure your trousers don’t fit and you’re too proud to go up a size, and, yeah, that bit just below your sternum has now turned into a perfect wee shelf for balancing plates on when you are sitting watching TV but by God you’ve still got it. Because you, my good man, are a Celtic da. And you’re still alive. You saw the 90s. Don’t let them tell you that your time has passed. This is your moment. Revel in it. Go get those green adidas trainers that Paul the Tim wears. Get that Celtic polo on, but try not to stretch your arms too high up above your head - nobody wants to see that. And, regardless of the weather, get a pair of three quarter length shorts with wee string ties just below the knee. Sure folk slag Celtic das off but the difference is simple - you make this look good.)