Action figures, rumours and Schrödinger’s Championship - Celtic Da Weekly

Late but worth it (maybe?)

Hello, good afternoon, and welcome to the Celtic Da Weekly – the only Celtic fan column on the internet that disappears more often than Nicolas Kühn in a high-intensity fixture.

If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been all weekend, let me put your mind at ease. It involved glorious sunshine, breathtaking scenery, and a fiercely contested race for a coveted green jacket. That’s right – I’ve been doing overtime with the council’s parks department. And let me tell you, it was touch and go for a while. A couple of times I thought I’d blown it, but I dug deep, showed great resilience, and ultimately got the bins lifted and the flowerbeds weeded just in time for the big Easter kick-off. A true professional.

Actually, scratch that. Of course I wasn’t working for the parks department – that would require actual manual labour, and these are artist’s hands. Piss artist’s hands. I was, in fact, attending the annual Celtic Da Convention, held every Easter in the spiritual homeland of the Celtic Da: Bar 67, Lanzarote. There was a significant number of hep cats rocking the camouflage jersey but, and I hate to break it to them, they weren’t exactly blending in. You could spot them from space.

I overheard a fascinating exchange in the toilet where one guy complimented another on his moustache: “Cheers, I grew it myself.” I said nothing. Just kept my head down and stuck another Celtic Da Weekly sticker on the back of the cubicle door.

Total lie, obviously. We don’t do stickers. But if it’s merch you’re after then feast your eyes on this beauty. We will be doing them for £15 a pop.